The Ever-Shrinking Closet

I just finished reading Newsweek's cover story on the life and death of Lawrence King, the California teenage who was murdered, ostensibly for being gay.

I have always had an active imagination. When I was a child I used to pretend I was a superhero, or more accurately, a superheroine. She was tall, with blonde hair and blue eyes, which was odd, considering her alter ego was a chubby black child from PG County, Maryland.

If you accept the premise that your fantasy world is your truest expression of how you wish the real world were, did that mean that I wanted to be a woman? That I was gay? If that young child were living today, would he have come out like Lawrence King did at the age of 10?

The question is, does anyone know enough about themselves to make that leap at so young an age, or are they marking themselves and setting themselves up for a life of torment? I am not excusing any type of bullying, but let's be real. When you are in school, you will get teased if you exhibit any degree of difference, and its not like it necessarily gets better when you are an adult. A grown-ass woman had to shoot a man a couple of weeks ago because he kept taunting her about being a lesbian. (a violent lesbian? I know, SHOCKING!)

Larry King did way more than just come out. He started dressing like a girl, and even went so far as to start taunting the other boys in school, accusing them of liking him. He even went so far as to make sexual comments to the other boys in the locker room. Yet, for all the bravado and professed "Out and Proud"-ness, he, by his own admission, had never kissed a boy. So was he really even gay?

The devil's advocate would say that you don't have to have ever kissed the odjects of your desire to declare your sexual orientation. There are plenty of straight men and women (well, some) who are virgins into their early 20s, but the fact that they were straight was never in question, and it shouldn't be. To be blunt, being straight is THE NORM. You don't have to prove it, it is assumed. There is no litmus test for it.

There is, however, such a test for being gay. To quote the philosopher Andrew "Dice" Clay, "You either suck dick, or you do not suck dick!" Yes it's not as simple as that, but you get my point. You can't (or better yet, shouldn't) call yourself gay until you have done some gay things. Maybe young Larry was a budding transvestite. He might have been grown up to be straight(ish) but just got a sexual thrill out of putting on women's clothing and accoutrements. Maybe he wasn't mature enough and didn't have enough life experience to fully understand what he was feeling.

And what about the adults in his life?

His adoptive father (Larry came from a bad family situation? Yes I know, SHOCKING!) never believed his son was gay. Well, he may not have been totally gay, but something was happening that required more than a knee-jerk reaction.

The teachers and administration at his school were split, with some believing Larry was violating the dress code by dressing as a girl, and even possibly bullying the other kids with his constant sexual taunts. Others believed in his right to free expression. One even gave him a dress when he came out to her. (Inappropriate much?) Then there was the out lesbian administrator who seemed to be Larry's main source of support and his advocate. Reports are that she encouraged Larry's behavior (a militant dyke? I know, SHOCKING! just kidding, I love the lesbians!).

Larry's life and death is a prime example of why I wish more men would come out, to give better role models to these young kids. They need to know that every gay man is not effeminate and/or has any desire to dress as women. Now don't get me wrong, I really and truly have no problem with men who are fem or trannies, but again, let's keep it real. When you express yourself a certain way, you are setting yourself up for drama. That's fine for a grown man, but for a kid, it can be a matter of life and death. In Lawrence King's case, it was death.