Yes MuthaFuckin Ma'am!!!!

A New Low

Ok, it's amusing to poke fun at the hoodrat ways of some of our less-educated brethren, but sometimes you see something that is downright shameful. I would usually say something funny about this is why we can't rise. This is not a representation of me or anyone I know. This is some ignorant, hateful shit. These boys' mamas should drag these niggas behind the woodshed and beat them until they cant grow anymore!

Now on the other hand, this is still ghetto, but this is some hotness right here!

Phonics Lessons, part 1

From Wikipedia...

Phonics is a widely used method of teaching to read and decode words, although it is not without controversy. Children begin learning to read using phonics usually around the age of 5 or 6. Teaching English reading using phonics requires students to learn the connections between letter patterns and the sounds they represent. Phonics instruction requires the teacher to provide students with a core body of information about phonics rules, or patterns.

OK children, get your mothers, your sisters, your cousins, and your nieces in here. We need to go over some quick lessons.

1. You CANNOT make up your own silent letters. We have already agreed as a society what letters can be silent and in what combinations. You do not have the authority to change that agreement.
2. Apostrophes take the place of other letters. Other uses are wrong! De'rek is short for "De(my mother is uneducated)rek".
3. Random capitalizations are unacceptable. DeRek is unacceptable, as is LaNeeTreeya or any other such foolishness. We will address everything ELSE that is wrong with "LaNeeTreeya" in another post!
4. Lakeisha is an variant of Aisha (from the arabic for "alive and well"). Le'Qishya is some BULLSHYT!!! (See LaNeeTreeya)

For now, #THATISALL

Please come get your cousin!

Racist?

This ad went up about a half-mile from a Planned Parenthood facility on Bleecker Street, o the corner of Watts and 6th Avenue in NYC.

NYC City Council Member Letitia James says, "It is misguided to use Black History Month as a tool to promote this message. Every woman has the right to make personal choices in regards to her body, and I respect many different points of view, but to compare abortion to terrorism and genocide is highly offensive."

The billboard is sponsored by a group called Life Always. Their press release states, " There is a battle being waged in the United States that has taken more lives than any foreign war or act of terrorism. The enemy is abortion." Life Always board member Pastor Stephen Broden added, "During Black History Month, we celebrate our history, but our future is in jeopardy as a genocidal plot is carried out through abortion."

In response to the ad, a group called Trust Black Women posted this on Facebook: "Yesterday, racist billboards went up in Soho attacking black women and our human rights by claiming “the most dangerous place for an African American child is in the womb.” SisterSong, a coalition of 80 women of color and Indigenous women’s organizations, denounces this cynical attempt to use race during Black History Month as an excuse to assault women’s rights. Black women are not the pawns of these white people who erect such billboards. We find them offensive, racist, sexist and – most of all – disrespectful of our decision making, our 400-year history of raising and caring for black children, and our human right to make health care choices for ourselves."

Statistics from the NYC Health Department show that Blacks had the highest number of abortions in 2009, with 40,798. (Hispanics had the second highest at 28,364.) NYC's abortion rate was almost 40% that year, and the three Planned Parenthood facilities nearest the billboard reported nearly 17,000 abortions in 2010.

So...

I ask again, is the ad racist?

Well, it's definitely provocative, but racist? Not to me, but then again, I am one of those black people who don't see racism in every situation. To me, this ad shows the inflamed rhetoric on both sides that makes it nearly impossible to reach common ground.

Is any conversation on abortion about anything other than free and unfettered access an assault on women's rights? The author from SisterSong assumes the billboard's sponsors are white, when actually two are black. Is anything that paints black people or other minorities in a negative light racist, even if it is true?

On the flip side, do you know the agony that some women go through in making the decision to terminate the pregnancy? Do you have a plan to support those babies who come into the world either unwanted, or whose families cannot support them? Do you have any answers to abortion other than abstinence?

Lastly.

Black people, yes slavery was awful. I read the journals about the biggest bucks being forced to breed in order to insure a strong "crop" of new slaves. I read about women who were raped by their masters and then had their bellies cut open to kill the bastard child. I know we have a history of Jim Crow oppression and racisim and that serious inequities and worse still exist in this country,

BUT,

at what point are we, as a people responsible for our own choices. When is it no longer directly or indirectly, the fault of The Man?

Tacky is as Tacky Does

Many of you have probably seen the pictures from the wedding of Michael K. Cole and Jamil Smith Cole. If not, let me refresh your memory:

 

Now that your eyes have stopped burning from the opulence, I only have one thing to say, GUUUUUUURL!!!!

I salute them for their commitment. It is rare to see two black gay men making such a public statement, but this is some hot gay ghetto madness. Get into handmade couture gown with the train arranged elegantly on the step. The beard! The hair! the eyebrows! I love how Shaniqua and Dayquanna are standing there with that "I know I look good" face.

Two of my good bristas got married in Boston this summer. They rented tuxes and had a beautiful simple ceremony under the trees in Boston Commons, followed by a carriage ride. SIMPLE. ELEGANT. CLASSY. Yes I am hating, but not like the woman at Morehouse who made homophobic comments and got fired. My hate comes from a place of "Chile Cheez!"

By contrast, my wedding will be a simple affair, in my signature colors of blush and bashful!

*dead*

Who Gon' Check Me Boo

I take back everything bad I ever said about Sheree for two reasons:

1. I love a fightin' bitch

2. I am not trying to have Pookie from Cleveland knocking on my door

This is bama-ry in the first degree!

Spectacular - ly Gay

Whateva gur! Why are you abusing that chair?

Madness!!!

"If you own guns in this country,

If you drink beer in this country,

If you go to tittie bars in this country,

then you're a bad person."

...The words of a self-professed redneck, who by his own admission, is not ready for a black president because he is "from the old school." 

The quote is taken from Right America: Feeling Wronged, a documentary by Alexandra Pelosi, the daughter of Nancy Pelosi.

We got alot of work to do

The Breakfast Song

LAWD

HAVE

MERCY!!!!

Speaking of 7-figure settlements...

Sheree Whitfield, our favorite looka-lika-man, got gooped by her ex-husband in her divorce settlement. Per the Atlanta Journal Constitution:

Bob and Sheree Whitfield separated after three years of marriage in 2003 and divorced after seven in 2007. … The trial court awarded her custody of the children and $2,142.87 a month in child support. It also awarded her a division of the marital property totaling more than $1.1 million and including a lump sum payment of $775,000. It gave her half of the maritalportion of three NFL retirement plans. But the court did not award alimony.

The court awarded him nearly all the real estate, including four homes, and the recording studio, Patchwerks, which he founded. Her lawyers moved for a new trial over the denial of alimony. The lower court deniedthe motion, and she now appeals to the Supreme Court.

In filings, her lawyers have portrayed her as a high school graduate with limited skills and income potential. Shocker!

When you look at it, she didn't get shit. $2142.87 a month for 2 kids? That's only a little more than a grand a month. I am sure whatever private school she has them costs way more than that. Plus she only got a million dollar settlement. That is certainly not the seven figure sum she wanted. Looks like She by Sheree is sh-done.

I will take IRRELEVANT for $1000, Alex

The answer is..

"This awards show is the nation's premier event celebrating the outstanding achievements and performances of people of color in the arts (motion picture, television, recording,and literature), as well as those individuals or groups who promote social justice through their creative endeavors. "

What is "The NAACP Image Award," Alex?

That's correct!

You know this award really doesn't reward excellence when "House of Payne" is up for multiple awards.

It is done!

This morning, I fulfilled my civic duty and voted. I got to the polling place around 8am, figuring there would be a line, but I still gagged when I saw how far down the block the line was. I put in my earphones and passed the time, mainly so that I would not be forced to make idle chitchat with strangers.

While we are on the subject, thank GAWD for the invention of the IPOD! It has saved me from many unwanted human interactions. So many times I am on the train, or the bus (GASP and SWOON!!) or a plane and someone next to me wants to talk. I guess I have a friendly face.

It never fails, though, that someone will still attempt to talk to me despite my best efforts. Sometimes it's innocent and they just are lost. More often than not, though, they just choose to ignore that I don't want to be bothered and decide to strike up a conversation anyway. That is the surest way to get the Gas Face, but I digress...

As a preamble to the rest of my story, it is important to describe the neighborhood I live in. My neighborhood can be broken down into three pieces. The area where I live, as you might expect, is the nicest. It is a collection of middle middle and lower upper middle income residences. To the south of my area is a narrow band of lower middle to middle income families that surrounds the projects. This part of the neighborhood is frequently the scene of police activity, and as such, makes my part of the nieghborhood fairly safe because the police are always just around the corner. (I'm still moving next year though! Middle upper middle here I come!!!!)

So anyhoo...

I had assumed that the pollilng place wouldn't be that busy because most of the people in the projects and the lower middle/middles wouldn't vote. I was pleasantly surprised to see that this election had brought out EVERYONE, even though it would force me to endure the press of the common folk. After about an hour, I finally get inside the polling place which is a Rec Center in the middle of the projects. Its a beautiful modern building with a lovely basketball court and a job placement center. I hated it immediately, but that is the subject of another rant.

I found my way to the sign-in, which wasn't easy given that the check-in wasn't well marked and the handwriting on the sign was that of a serial killer. I got in the "S threw W" line (SIGH!) which was much shorter than the "N thru R" or the "M" lines (Apparently, a lot of people in my neighborhood have last names beginning with the letter M). This girl behind me tapped me on the shoulder: "I ain't neva done dis before. Do we get in line by first name or last name?" She was young and innocent, if very very ghetto, so instead finding her mother and slappng the shyt out of her, I told her that we were all in line by last name. She smiled up at me and headed off. My heart melted a tiny bit; I had done my good deed for the day.

It dawned on me that despite the fact that my line was much shorter than other, it was not moving nearly as fast. I looked to the front and saw the reason why. Gentle readers, you will no doubt remember Ricky Smiley's character of "Li'l Darryl" from BET's Comic View (oh my God, I just threw up in my mouth a little). Well the sign-in lady was Li'l Darryl slightly less "special" sister. Finally, I got my card and then went to get my actual ballot. I opted for the electronic ballot, figuring it would be easier to complete than the paper ballot which required you to fill in the ovals with a number 2 pencil like it was pop quiz in civics class.

Then I had to wait while people who had never used a computer before and did not understand the concept of the touch screen fumbled their way through the process. One guy was at the screen for like 10 minutes. It happened to so many people that I began to wonder if there was a problem with the machine or if there were more local elections that I wasn't aware of. Ultimately, my cynicism proved spot on and those people were just stupid, because it took me all of 30 seconds to vote.

Yay!!!!

Dear O.J. Simpson

In the words of Fred Sanford, "You big dummy!"

You couldn't just lay low and live out the rest of your life, could you? Assuming you didn't kill those two people (You can tell me. You killed them didn't you. I won't tell anyone), you couldn't just lay low and mind your own business. No, you had to go out and do stupid stuff.

...Like write a book called "If I Did It." Ummm, brotha you were acquitted of the vicious murder of your ex-wife and her "friend." (Yeah they were probably fuckin, but what of it?) Why would an innocent man then write a book talking about how you would have killed the mother of your children?

...Like try to hide your financial assets from the Goldmans so you wouldn't have to pay that civil judgement. Too bad the people you dealt with were as shady as you, and with no Johnny Cochran around to pull a Jedi Mind Trick defend you, your ass got caught up.

I know what happened. You saw what happened to R. Kelly and thought you could get away with that shyt. Hell, they had a tape of that brotha peeing on the girl, everyone saw it and they STILL could not get a conviction. All they had on you was a glove that did not fit. However, you forget one critical detail. The girl R. Kelly peed on is dumb as a box of rocks, probably from a bad home, still trying to wash the smell of urine off her soul, crying herself to sleep on the pile of money she was paid to keep her yap shut BLACK. If she was white, R. Kelly would be UNDER the jail.

So now its over. I feel sorry for you, like I do for anyone who will no longer get to see the light of day or enjoy freedom. Ultimately though, you brought this on your damn self. Keep your booty shut.

Love always,
Brian

Someone needs their ass whipped UPDATE

This isn't the first time this kid has taken his Grandmother's car for a joyride. You would think they would learn to keep the keys away from him.

Le sigh...

Someone needs their ass whipped

Now, after listening to this story, young Latarian might be a little special. If that's the case, bless his heart and get him into treatment. If not, Grandma needs to be beating that ass as we speak.

Speaking of ass beatings, the Grandmother's mother needs a beatdown for naming her child Vikkita. This is why we cannot rise as a people.