Yes MuthaFuckin Ma'am!!!!

A New Low

Ok, it's amusing to poke fun at the hoodrat ways of some of our less-educated brethren, but sometimes you see something that is downright shameful. I would usually say something funny about this is why we can't rise. This is not a representation of me or anyone I know. This is some ignorant, hateful shit. These boys' mamas should drag these niggas behind the woodshed and beat them until they cant grow anymore!

Now on the other hand, this is still ghetto, but this is some hotness right here!

Phonics Lessons, part 1

From Wikipedia...

Phonics is a widely used method of teaching to read and decode words, although it is not without controversy. Children begin learning to read using phonics usually around the age of 5 or 6. Teaching English reading using phonics requires students to learn the connections between letter patterns and the sounds they represent. Phonics instruction requires the teacher to provide students with a core body of information about phonics rules, or patterns.

OK children, get your mothers, your sisters, your cousins, and your nieces in here. We need to go over some quick lessons.

1. You CANNOT make up your own silent letters. We have already agreed as a society what letters can be silent and in what combinations. You do not have the authority to change that agreement.
2. Apostrophes take the place of other letters. Other uses are wrong! De'rek is short for "De(my mother is uneducated)rek".
3. Random capitalizations are unacceptable. DeRek is unacceptable, as is LaNeeTreeya or any other such foolishness. We will address everything ELSE that is wrong with "LaNeeTreeya" in another post!
4. Lakeisha is an variant of Aisha (from the arabic for "alive and well"). Le'Qishya is some BULLSHYT!!! (See LaNeeTreeya)

For now, #THATISALL

Please come get your cousin!

Who Gon' Check Me Boo

I take back everything bad I ever said about Sheree for two reasons:

1. I love a fightin' bitch

2. I am not trying to have Pookie from Cleveland knocking on my door

This is bama-ry in the first degree!

Spectacular - ly Gay

Whateva gur! Why are you abusing that chair?

Dear O.J. Simpson

In the words of Fred Sanford, "You big dummy!"

You couldn't just lay low and live out the rest of your life, could you? Assuming you didn't kill those two people (You can tell me. You killed them didn't you. I won't tell anyone), you couldn't just lay low and mind your own business. No, you had to go out and do stupid stuff.

...Like write a book called "If I Did It." Ummm, brotha you were acquitted of the vicious murder of your ex-wife and her "friend." (Yeah they were probably fuckin, but what of it?) Why would an innocent man then write a book talking about how you would have killed the mother of your children?

...Like try to hide your financial assets from the Goldmans so you wouldn't have to pay that civil judgement. Too bad the people you dealt with were as shady as you, and with no Johnny Cochran around to pull a Jedi Mind Trick defend you, your ass got caught up.

I know what happened. You saw what happened to R. Kelly and thought you could get away with that shyt. Hell, they had a tape of that brotha peeing on the girl, everyone saw it and they STILL could not get a conviction. All they had on you was a glove that did not fit. However, you forget one critical detail. The girl R. Kelly peed on is dumb as a box of rocks, probably from a bad home, still trying to wash the smell of urine off her soul, crying herself to sleep on the pile of money she was paid to keep her yap shut BLACK. If she was white, R. Kelly would be UNDER the jail.

So now its over. I feel sorry for you, like I do for anyone who will no longer get to see the light of day or enjoy freedom. Ultimately though, you brought this on your damn self. Keep your booty shut.

Love always,
Brian

Random Musings...

...If I am really keeping it real, the only interest I have in the summer Olympics is Track and Field, and its not to see who has the fastest times around the track.

...David Archuleta, American Idol runner-up and the stuff molester-y dreams are made of, told OK Magazine that he is looking for his someone special. "She has to be fun, have respect for herself and be adventurous," he told the magazine at the Teen Choice Awards, adding, "and she has to have a penis!"

...Oh Jerrell, why do I hate you so? Is it your frail bird-like chest you insist on showing whenever possible? Is it your your atrocious personal fashion, or is it your atrocious designs? Get into the frock he thought our female Olympians should wear to the opening cermonies.

This is why we will never rise as a people!

Today on the subway, I saw a woman wearing a rhinestone studded watch with picture of Barack Obama on its face. VERY classy.

Allen Iverson is a BAMA!

There is a scene in the movie Soapdish where Sally Field's character Celeste, desparate for the love and affection of her fans, goes to the mall in a disguise. She brings along her confidante Rose (Whoopi Goldberg), who pretends to be a fan and "exposes" Celeste. A scene ensues and Celeste spends the next two hours basking in the love of her fans

A similar and equally ridiculous scene unfolded yesterday on U Street in front of Ben's Chili Bowl yesterday. More after the pics.

Yes, that is NBA superstar Allen Iverson standing outside of the restaurant waiting for his food. Now he could have waited inside the restaurant for his food, but he chose to post up in front of the spot and bask in the love of his fans. Based on this scene, I have deduced the following:

First, I will never eat at Allen Iverson's house. If he thinks the food at Ben's Chili Bowl is good, then obviously the food at his house must taste like crap. For a place with Chili in the name, the chili at Ben's taste like ass (and not in a good way). I defy you to eat there and not feel your arteries hardening with each bite.

Second, he could be Trade. His group of hangers-on all looked vaguely gayish, plus one of them was walking around with his ass literally hanging out. The buttcheeks were fully exposed and when he turned around you could see bush. (Baby, I tried to get pics, but Mother was so flustered by the sudden and unexpected display of male pulchritude!) Now I ask you, gentle reader, why would a "totally straight" man be showing his ass and dick on a public street to another "totally straight" man on a public street? The mind wobbles!

Third, and this is most important, he was having his Bentley detailed on a public street. This is, by definition, an act of BAMA-ry in the first degree. Being a BAMA always involves some stupidity and this scene is a textbook example. Why would one spend $100,000 (plus I'm guessing another $100,000 on a stereo system) on a luxury automobile and then allow a homeless person on the corner to wash your car with leftover pages from the Washington Post?

This is why we can't rise as a people!