600am: The alarm on my cellphone goes off, just as Joe calls to drop off his tux for tonight's festivities. I question myself: Why the hell am I about to go stand out in sub-freezing weather for several hours? I could watch that shit on my brand new 47-inch LCD (LuCinDa the Younger) and be happy. Plus it's not like I was going to get anywhere close. I would most likely end up watching the whole thing on a jumbotron, which was in effect a giant TV. But I promised Joe and Paul I would go so I got out of bed.
700am: We leave the house and decide we might as well walk to the Mall. Joe informs us that the buses are running every 10 minutes so we walk to the Metro and catch the bus. We go about 7 blocks and then have to get out because traffic is at a standstill. We join the sea of humanity and walk slowly toward the Mall.
805am: Despite warnings about long lines for security and what not to bring, we walk right onto the Mall and manuever our way toward the closest jumbotron. We claim a spot by peeing on the perimeter and begin the long wait.
810am: Now, you know I don't really care for people, but I decided I would put my best face forward and go with the flow today. Luckily there was room to breather where we were. My happy mood is spoiled by this woman from NYC who starts going on and on about how she prayed in this moment and God put on her heart to be here and something about being "slain in the spirit." It all sounded like crazy talk to me so I was only half listening. She gave me a flyer and told me to come to her church next time I was in NYC. I wanted to tell her thtat I was too busy fuckin' and drinkin' whenever I was in Manhattan to go to church, but then I remembered my promise to be nice so I smiled a her and pocketed the flyer. Her name was Dr. Jacquelyn Sawyer
845am: We met a lovely family from Minnesota who came for the Inauguration and we became fast friends
930am: Bye Bye Miss American Pie!
1045am: Feed me Seymore!
1100am: The ceremony begins with introductions of various congressmen and senators and other dignitaries. Then they introduced the living former Presidents. The Carters were dignified and courtly as always. Does Rosalind Carter ever age? Happy, enthusiastic applause. I think she is the Evil Un-Dead. When did Bush Senior become a doddering old man? Remember when we thought this man was the worst thing this country had ever seen? Little did we know. Polite applause for the elderly. Oh! My! Gawd! Its THE CLINTONS!!!!!!! THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE! PS, I love the fact that Hillary now has to work for the man she campaigned so ferociousl against less than a year ago.
1115am: Everyone starts singing Darth Vader's theme when Dick Cheney is introduced.
1120am: A chorus of boos hails the introduction of Dubya.
1145: The Vice President is sworn in
1155: Some musical interlude with Yoyoma. They need to hurry this shit up, it's cold as hell out here. Wait a minute, that clarinet player is cute!
1210pm: We have a new President!!!!!
1 comment:
DAMN ARETHA AND THAT HAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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