Who Runs the World? [Color-Struck] (Girls)!

Um where to start...

The video has no point. Its a series of random costume changes in the desert. What was with all the male extras? If the theme is female empowerment then a danceoff would seem to be in order, that is, in the ridiculous vernacular that this video foists upon us.

The costumes were cute for the most part, but those boots? I can't, I JUST CAN'T!

My biggest problem with the video and the song, besides the fact that the song has absolutely no point, is Beyonce's look. She isn't even black anymore. Its easy to see over time a progression away from a more black, more ethnic lock. At first, I was willing to cut her some slack. With money comes the refinement that money can buy. Better makeup, better hairstylists, etc. But IMHO, she has gone to far. In the far shots, its hard to tell whether it's her, or Shakira or any of a dozen similarly blond and carmel-skinned women who arent black. At this point, Beyonce is almost in L'il Kim territory, albeit with MUCH better surgery and access to makeup and wigs and makeup and costumes and makeup (The bitch is wearing A TON of makeup in this video. Her neck and chest are a different color from her face! I have seen drag queens with a more natural look.)

I am certainly not a huge Beyonce fan, but neither am I a hater. She is a woman with a killer body and a truly great voice who seems to be using her money to run away from her physical blackness with all deliberate speed. This is the message she sends to young black girls, even if on a subconcious level.

Beyonce is a beautiful and talented woman. I am disappointed and saddened by her choices.

I feel sorry for her...

Breaking News:

Lindsay Lohan taken to jail after being sentenced to 120 days for violating probabtion in her arrest in that necklace theft case. (Via CNN)

Poor Lindsay, for a while it appeared that, thanks to the greed of the store owners who sold the tape, we might see her beat this one.  In the tape, we see Lindsay walking out of the store with the necklace on. A store clerk escorts her out and even opens the door for her. That doesn't look like stealing to me

The bitch does take a good mug shot, though!

Lst year, Lindsay Lohan was sent to jail. She went directly to jail, she did not pass go and she did not collect $200. Since she did failed a random drug and alcohol test, the judge told her she had to spend the next 30 days in the clink while awaiting a hearing, when he could have set bail.

If you were on the fence as to whether she had a real problem or was just a fuck up, this was your answer. If someone told me, dont take a drink or a smoke or I am sending your ass back to jail, that would be all I needed to hear. Since she couldn't do that, she is obviously an addict.

I still feel sorry for her though, because I still see the little girl from Freaky Friday...

The real problem keeping Lindsay from making a recovery are her parents, both of whom are completely fucked up.

I love an Angry Bottom

This picture of Chris Brown turns me on waaaay more than this picture does...

The idea of breaking a brotha down and converting that anger into sexual energy. You know he would resist at first but he would be quickly cowed and before long, he would be begging for the dick or the paddle or the wax or whatever. Plus I like the blond hair!

Apologies

Yesterday, the world paused. Not to hear the President make an announcement, or because of some local or national emergency. No, the world paused to listen to Tiger Woods apologize for his affairs with every cocktail waitress in the United States. Thing is, while Tiger Woods certainly owes an apology to his wife and children, and maybe his mother, he doesn't owe me or anyone to whom he is not related or whom he has not fucked, an apology.

First, apologies, especially those made in these big public forums are typically self-serving. Chris Brown only apologized when those pictures of Rihanna's beat-up face were plastered all over. He only apologized because it looked like his career was in the tank.

Second, unless you show REAL emotion, it only makes matters worse. Remember when Jimmy Swaggert got caught with that prostitute. His "I Have Sinned" speech, regardless of how you felt about the man, his ministries, or his motives, was certainly heartfelt and sincere. Contrast once again to Chris Brown (sorry to keep beating up on him, pun intended), whose deadpan apology was most notable for his fashion choice and not his words. The bowtie was not a good look.

Lastly, I, and most of you were hurt by Tiger's actions. Tiger didn't fuck or fuck over any of us. The only reason for this whole episode is that in this celebrity-based culture, people take personal ownership and develop a familiarity and intimacy based on nothing more substantial than seeing that person on a screen.

--- PRESS PAUSE ---

Why the hell did Tiger get married. Its not like he is some 60-year-old dude, who fucked all these women over the course of a lifetime. He hooked up with all these chicks in the last 7 years, while he was meeting, courting, marrying and having children with his wife. I am not judging his sexual appetites, but his judgement in getting married. If you want to fuck around, stay single and fuck every bitch in creation. It's just stupid to get married and keep fucking at the Olympic level like Tiger did. Someone is going to turn up pregnant or blab to the media or both.

--- PRESS PLAY ---

Now who DOES owe us an apology? John Edwards! Can you imagine the mess we would be in was found to be the father of an out-of-wedlock child that he fathered while his wife, now the First Lady, was battling breast cancer. We would be FUCKED! He owes an apology to those who believed in him, who worked for and with him and fell for his okie doke! Bastard!

They're HUGE in Europe

For anyone who has been watching the pathetic attempt by the surviving Jackson brothers to milk the death of their beloved and much more talented brother Michael, you know that for at least one episode, Tito was pimping his children and trying to convince them that the time was ripe to release a new album.

Tito's children, Tariano, Taryll and TJ, were known in the mid-90s as 3T, a trio of tight-bodied, light-skinn'ded young brothas (all with serious cases of gayface) who could sort-of sing. According to Tito, everytime he goes to Europe, he is inundated with questions about when 3T is going to release another CD.

Unfortunately, the tite and toned teen trio is no more. In their place is a trio of slightly balding and a little pudgy late-20 and 30-somethings. That said, I would still hit it with a glittery single white glove.

Now lets all pinch our nipples together with this walk down memory lane...

Her Pussy Will be Missed

Mr. Peacock, Mrs. Slocombe is free. Molly Sudgen died today at the age of 86. She was the star of the hilarious British comedy Are You Being Served.

She will be missed, and I am unanimous in that!

Remembering the Legend

I remember sitting in my parents' bedroom watching Motown 25 when Michael first moonwalked across the stage. I had seen it before from kids in school, but for my parents, it was like they had just seen someone fly. Even for me, it was a revelation because although I had seen it before no one had ever done it so flawlessly, so effortlessly.

I remember the premiere of the "Remember the Time" video. All the black stars were there: Eddie Murphy, Iman, Magic Johnson. It wasnt particularly groundbreaking in its special effects or anything, just a very well-done video, great storyline, beautiful cast. It was Michael's way of saying that regardless of how light his skin got, he knew where he came from.

I remember the song "You are not Alone." Mainly because I like cheesy lovesongs.

I was never a huge Michael Jackson fan but you would have had to live under a rock to not be aware of and influenced by his music. I never cared about his appearance, which yes, did grow increasingly freaky over the years. That's why I chose the photo above.

Yes, it is a wonderfully retouched photo taken under the most ideal lighting conditions, with heavy makeup and photoshopped within an inch of its life, but I think it represents how Michael saw himself. Baby, we ALL have our delusions. Michael just had enough money to make his reality.

Here's to the most beautiful and talented white woman to ever grace the cover of Ebony Magazine! Long may his memory live!

Hercules! Hercules!

Regular sex with trannies and Johnny Gill is working for Miss Murphy!

I Don't Give a Shyt!!!

Is Dorion Standberry from College Hill gay? I DON'T GIVE A SHYT!!! Until yesterday, I didn't even know who the hell he was. Now that I am aware of him, still don't care. Even if there were pics of him getting his back dug out (evil wistful grin), I would be only mildly interested. As for whether he is gay or not, as Lisa Stansfield would say, "You can't deny it baby." This gurl has an AKA tattoo above his pubics. Is he about to SKEE-WEE up in here?

Are Jon and Kate and her awful, awful haircut getting a divorce? I DON'T GIVE A SHYT!!! It is fucked up though. How the hell are you gonna bring 8 children into the world AND THEN decide you don't want to be together. They should have their children taken away.

Is Ricky Martin gay? Although I don't really give a shyt, but CHILE CHEEZE.

JHud is dick-motized!

Le sigh...

Punk is a wrestler now. Yes, he went from Harvard Law, to I Love New York to professional restler. I can only assume that he must have the dick of life and JHud is so blinded by it that she can't see the train wreck coming down the road.

PS, total shocker that he chose a career that required him to be practically naked, oiled up and rolling around with other mostly naked men.

Speaking of Bukkake

Zachary Quinto loves it all over his face!

Does anyone else find this hot?

Aretha's Backup Singer

I was there...

600am: The alarm on my cellphone goes off, just as Joe calls to drop off his tux for tonight's festivities. I question myself: Why the hell am I about to go stand out in sub-freezing weather for several hours? I could watch that shit on my brand new 47-inch LCD (LuCinDa the Younger) and be happy. Plus it's not like I was going to get anywhere close. I would most likely end up watching the whole thing on a jumbotron, which was in effect a giant TV. But I promised Joe and Paul I would go so I got out of bed.

700am: We leave the house and decide we might as well walk to the Mall. Joe informs us that the buses are running every 10 minutes so we walk to the Metro and catch the bus. We go about 7 blocks and then have to get out because traffic is at a standstill. We join the sea of humanity and walk slowly toward the Mall.

805am: Despite warnings about long lines for security and what not to bring, we walk right onto the Mall and manuever our way toward the closest jumbotron. We claim a spot by peeing on the perimeter and begin the long wait.

810am: Now, you know I don't really care for people, but I decided I would put my best face forward and go with the flow today. Luckily there was room to breather where we were.  My happy mood is spoiled by this woman from NYC who starts going on and on about how she prayed in this moment and God put on her heart to be here and something about  being "slain in the spirit." It all sounded like crazy talk to me so I was only half listening. She gave me a flyer and told me to come to her church next time I was in NYC. I wanted to tell her thtat I was too busy fuckin' and drinkin' whenever I was in Manhattan to go to church, but then I remembered my promise to be nice so I smiled a her and pocketed the flyer. Her name was Dr. Jacquelyn Sawyer

845am: We met a lovely family from Minnesota who came for the Inauguration and we became fast friends

930am: Bye Bye Miss American Pie!

1045am: Feed me Seymore!

What the hell was she thinking with that hat? Plus her voice sounded terrible.

1100am: The ceremony begins with introductions of various congressmen and senators and other dignitaries. Then they introduced the living former Presidents. The Carters were dignified and courtly as always. Does Rosalind Carter ever age? Happy, enthusiastic applause. I think she is the Evil Un-Dead. When did Bush Senior become a doddering old man? Remember when we thought this man was the worst thing this country had ever seen? Little did we know. Polite applause for the elderly. Oh! My! Gawd! Its THE CLINTONS!!!!!!! THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE! PS, I love the fact that Hillary now has to work for the man she campaigned so ferociousl against less than a year ago.

1115am: Everyone starts singing Darth Vader's theme when Dick Cheney is introduced.

1120am: A chorus of boos hails the introduction of Dubya.

1145: The Vice President is sworn in

1155: Some musical interlude with Yoyoma. They need to hurry this shit up, it's cold as hell out here. Wait a minute, that clarinet player is cute!

1210pm: We have a new President!!!!!

Speaking of 7-figure settlements...

Sheree Whitfield, our favorite looka-lika-man, got gooped by her ex-husband in her divorce settlement. Per the Atlanta Journal Constitution:

Bob and Sheree Whitfield separated after three years of marriage in 2003 and divorced after seven in 2007. … The trial court awarded her custody of the children and $2,142.87 a month in child support. It also awarded her a division of the marital property totaling more than $1.1 million and including a lump sum payment of $775,000. It gave her half of the maritalportion of three NFL retirement plans. But the court did not award alimony.

The court awarded him nearly all the real estate, including four homes, and the recording studio, Patchwerks, which he founded. Her lawyers moved for a new trial over the denial of alimony. The lower court deniedthe motion, and she now appeals to the Supreme Court.

In filings, her lawyers have portrayed her as a high school graduate with limited skills and income potential. Shocker!

When you look at it, she didn't get shit. $2142.87 a month for 2 kids? That's only a little more than a grand a month. I am sure whatever private school she has them costs way more than that. Plus she only got a million dollar settlement. That is certainly not the seven figure sum she wanted. Looks like She by Sheree is sh-done.

Next Category at the Ball...

Reality Star Face!

Get into Ms. NeNe serving glamour! 

I think she deserves a washer-dryer set!

Somewhere Sheree is beating one of her assistants.

Fuel to the fire

(((((tactful silence)))))

The caption reads...

"Why the hell am I taking a picture with this fag?"

...and John Legend was thinking the same thing!

Get Over it

Excuse me, everybody...
Excuse me, everybody...

... You would think Angelina Jolie was photographed getting her snatch waxed, the way people are in an uproar. I mean seriously, she is breastfeeding! Get over it!

Someone stole my sunglasses!

Back in the 60s a man named William Ayers was a terrorist, now he is a community activist and professor in Chicago. He also once held a fundraiser for Barack Obama. What of it? It was 13 years ago. Get over it!

Someone borrowed my sunglassses!

In the late 80s John McCain got caught up in the Savings and Loan scandal over his ties to Charles Keating. He was ultimately exonerated, so get over it!

I want my glasses back!
I want my sunglasses back!

Sarah Palin flunked out of several colleges before getting her degree. Her husband believes that Alaska should secede from the United States. She just got a passport last year. She's not what you would call literate. She (where was I going with this? Oh yeah...) Get over it! Fuck that, that bitch is unqualified to be vice-president of the PTA, let alone the United States.

Excuse me everybody...
I found my sunglasses!

Extra points if you can tell me where those lines are from. :-)

Dear O.J. Simpson

In the words of Fred Sanford, "You big dummy!"

You couldn't just lay low and live out the rest of your life, could you? Assuming you didn't kill those two people (You can tell me. You killed them didn't you. I won't tell anyone), you couldn't just lay low and mind your own business. No, you had to go out and do stupid stuff.

...Like write a book called "If I Did It." Ummm, brotha you were acquitted of the vicious murder of your ex-wife and her "friend." (Yeah they were probably fuckin, but what of it?) Why would an innocent man then write a book talking about how you would have killed the mother of your children?

...Like try to hide your financial assets from the Goldmans so you wouldn't have to pay that civil judgement. Too bad the people you dealt with were as shady as you, and with no Johnny Cochran around to pull a Jedi Mind Trick defend you, your ass got caught up.

I know what happened. You saw what happened to R. Kelly and thought you could get away with that shyt. Hell, they had a tape of that brotha peeing on the girl, everyone saw it and they STILL could not get a conviction. All they had on you was a glove that did not fit. However, you forget one critical detail. The girl R. Kelly peed on is dumb as a box of rocks, probably from a bad home, still trying to wash the smell of urine off her soul, crying herself to sleep on the pile of money she was paid to keep her yap shut BLACK. If she was white, R. Kelly would be UNDER the jail.

So now its over. I feel sorry for you, like I do for anyone who will no longer get to see the light of day or enjoy freedom. Ultimately though, you brought this on your damn self. Keep your booty shut.

Love always,
Brian

I am shocked and surprised!